My family

I just wrote someone today the following "my family is disfunctional and weird, but I love it." And I stand by that 100%. I think life would be so boring if my family was normal.

I have spent the last three days half baby-sitting my sister's kids in Little Rock. I say half baby-sitting because the oldest one is 12. He can really look after himself and the other two, but they like having me around so that they can have a third player in card games and laser tag. I'm always out first. When I was little, I used to hate to be out first. Now at 34, I'm all good with it. It means I can sit back and half fall asleep while they finish the game.

I learnt new phrases this weekend:
Booty-cushion - means butt
Nub - means someone who knows nothing about electronics or new stuff (aka ME)

I was a bad aunt and yet a good aunt. I downloaded all these songs for my nephews IPOD his mom wouldn't let him have. Me, being smarter then the average bear, downloaded the versions with no explicit lyrics. So, in the end, I wasn't downloading anything bad. Half of one of his songs is bleeped out.

I then turned him on to some old Cure and Joy Division. It was a joy to see an eight year old discover a love for 80s british pop.

Anyway, after three days and a countless number of games of war, my head just hurts. I self medicated with a 2001 Chateauneauf de pape that I snuck over in my suitcase. I shared it with my sister. I thought she deserved it.

I didn't bring up that I was secretly celebrating that it had been exactly 6 years since she beat breast cancer. She doesn't like to talk about it. Its just not spoken of. So, when we gave each other a toast tonight, I just said it to myself.

Car karma

Mine is just awful, and its getting worse. Throwing myself a mini pity party. I'm going to only focus on my current automobile and not even mention my previous one and its karma, fridge falling on it and all.

October 2003 - I buy my car
October 2004 - drunk driver takes off the back end of car
March 2005 - I scratch up the side of my car parking at my apartments. Just a mess.
October 2005 - I am dropped from my insurance. BOO!!
June 2006 - First cracked windshield
March 2007 - A certain friend scrapes my car against the gate of her apartment complex
February 2008 - Crazy mini-van lady sideswipes my car
June 2008 - Second cracked windshield
January 2009 - Battery and whole electrical system fried!!
March 2009 - I have asleep hit the shopping car return thingy at Wholefoods.
March 2009 - I rear-end someone and they bump into someone else and total their car.

Its all a stressfull mess. MESS!!

My car, suprisingly, is A-OK fine. I think when they fixed it from that poll, they reinforced the front end. The poor guy I hit. Just feel so bad for him.

And now, the third guy whose car sustained no damage is starting to claim medical issues.

I fear I might be dropped again from insurance. Trying really hard to keep my head up.

Not only do I spell horribly

but I talk really fast.

I am trying to get out of here early, and I called a consultant in Los Angeles. I wanted to let him know that if he wants to get a document out today, he would have to send it since he hadn't gotten back to me with the contact information.

I quickly said "I am delivering to you the new version," and left my number to call if he didn't receive it.

From across the way, my friend Eric yells out, "there is the regular way and the Victoria way of schmoozing." I was like "what do you mean?" He said, "it sounded like you were delivering to him the virgin. How do I get in on that deal?"

Oops.

I think he knew what I meant...

Just call me Julia Child

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Jason had a genius idea for a party, Baconfest. Of course I had to attend. How can you not attend Baconfest? That's like turning down an invite to a party called Chocolate-o-rama. Just not done.

All invitees to the party had to bring a bacon dish. At the end of the night, the judges would vote on whose were the best, and there would be prizes. This brought out my competitive spirit.

I started thinking about what to bring. My first though, of course, was bacon chocolate cupcakes. I had heard about these delicacies through an odd food blog I read every once in a while. I even went and looked up the recipe. BUT, as the date drew near, I started hearing from others that there might be other bacon chocolate recipes attending the party. I was not going to be a conformist. I had to think of something new.

To days before the party, in a funk, I told my boss about my predicament. He is a pretty good cook. I thought he might know something. He mentioned that whenever he has a big party, one caterer he likes brings these things called "zingers", bacon wrapped apricots. He said I should try something like that.

So, I did.

The afternoon of the party I bought a package of bacon and a package of dried apricots, and I went to work. I wrapped the bacon around the apricots until the edges met and places them on a baking sheet. I then mixed soy sauce, brown sugar, and a little kung po sauce, and basted them. I put them in the over for 25 minutes, waited for them to cool a bit, put them in a serving dish and poured on more of the sauce. That was it.

I thought they tasted a bit too bacony, but I went with it.

Hours later, I showed up at the party. I was kind of late and people had already been eating bacon for hours. I was going to leave my dish in the car, but Cherry told me bring it in. I started passing out the apricots, and people LOVED them. I didn't expect that reaction.

As the night went on, I received more compliments. It was really an ego boost.

AND THEN, when they annouced the winners, guess who came in second. ME! Over the bacon egg-rolls, chocolate covered bacon, and cherry's bacon dip. YAY!!

Ok, fast forward a week or two. I'm walking down Lamar back to my car after the Morrissey show, and this guy comes walking towards me out of Bill's records. He is giving me this funny look. I'm with friends so I'm safe and ok, but I don't get his look. This guy walks right up to me and says "did you make the bacon wrapped apricots at Baconfest?" I just started laughing and said "yes." He put out his hand and said "let me shake your hand. Those were really good. You should have won."

Me being me, I gave him a big hug. People don't compliment my cooking that often.

Maybe I can cook, just a little.

Santeria

As I get older, I have come to discover that I appear to attract a strange and sordid dating pool. I'm ok with it, but others seem to find it a bit odd. Here is an excerpt from a work conversation from the other week:

Renu (over the wall to me) "Heeeey, how did the date go last night."

Me "Eh. I don't know if I'm really that into him."

Renu "No, we have had this conversation before. You have to give everyone a chance. None of this weird picky stuff. Two dates minimum."

Me "Well, he had a couple of red flags."

Renu "Like what?"

Me "Well, he discussed how he had gone to Cuba. And I said, I know a couple of people who have been there. They said it was gorgeous, and the resorts were actually nice. He said he didn't see the resorts. He went to Cuba for a specific reason. For a ceremony. So, I asked what ceremony, and then he went into this whole discussion about how he practices Santeria, not the animal sacrifice kind but he does respect those who do animal sacrifice, and that some holy man lives in Cuba and he went to see him."

Renu (silence)

Me "And also, his father lives in Mexico, and he hasn't left the country for seven years due to tax reasons."

Renu "Yeah. Red flag. How come you can't meet a nice baptist boy from Plano?"

Me "Do you see me with a baptist?"

Renu "No, but at least they don't perform animal sacrifice."

Hmmm. Back to the drawing board.